9 months

Roughly translated as any day now.

How am I feeling? Well, I'm a mixture.

You know those machines the builders use on site to mix cement. I feel like that is me with a bit of excitement added, then some anxiety, topped off with some tears, add a dollup of "can I do this?" sprinkle lots and lots of smiles, hope, patience and finally contentment. This weekend I was very aware of everything I was doing in order to avoid labour as Dr. Howard told me that little one is ready. But now I realise that there is nothing I can do. My body is preparing itself for this incredible journey, at its own time. I am merely a player in this game of life. My heart and mind is open and I'm ready for what comes my way.

Insha-Allah.

August has been quite a month at 8 months!

It's been a while. I know.

Mostly because it has really been a long, challenging, emotional, exciting month.

It was Junaid's birthday. We started ante natal classes. I attended Mariam's baby shower. It was Oupa's 100 days. It was my baby shower.

(Thanks to my friends for organising)






It was Ameen's birthday.
We pre-admitted ourselves to hospital. Learnt breathing exercises for labour. It was Ayesha's birthday. My wedding rings no longer fit. We started fasting. Experienced first set of Braxton Hicks. Learnt all about caesarian sections and how having a baby changes everything. My fingers and toes get all crampy in the morning. Mariam gave birth. Got a cold, went back to doctor. All good -no temperature. Constipated. Mummy sick, had to drive myself to work. Get contents for hospital bag - got a shock at the price of nipple cream. Semi-packed hospital bag. Attended Layla's name-giving (below)









And work. Had to produce 5 tv ads in the space of 2 weeks! Regular. Fill out UIF forms. Spend some quality time with Junaid. Becoming indecisive about names. The beat goes on...






Well done Mariam!!
You were thrown into the deep end, but from what I saw yesterday, you are coping well, Alhamdoelilah.

Naz! Tag, you're it!

Low Mo' for her Majesty

Today is a low mo' day.
By that I mean - I had a bit of a low moment.
Why - dunno really. Just found myself crying this morning.
I'm not sad, just teary.
Does that make sense?

You see - for someone who does not like the dentist, I have been frequenting Dr. Copas' offices more than ever. It first started when I spotted a tiny hole on one of my eye teeth. I got the go ahead from my gynae to proceed with the filling procedure. Shot! No more hole.

Then about 2-3 weeks later I notice severe pain in my front tooth and when I touched it, it was very sore! I could not see any visible cavity and then decided to visit my dentist again. He can't take any xrays, so he probed and drilled and found that I had an abscess within my gum line, which he drained - he even showed me the green goo which was spilling out of it. He said I was lucky to have caught it before it became anything major and very painful. I then had to have root canal treatment done which could not be completed fully because xrays needed to be completed to see the severity and depth of the root which needed to be sealed. I have temporary dressing on that one now.

So on Friday past I was busy eating some paaper when all of a sudden one of my pre-molars at the back broke it half. In half! I went to the dentist this morning and again because of the xray issue, I got temporary dressing to cover the tooth. Dr Copas said I was a candidate for a crown. He put me at ease when he saw how tearful I was when he said in his Irish accent, "Don't be so down Leila, it's just a tooth. It's just a tooth."

7 months this week

Oh my word, I'm just over 29 weeks.

Lots of people are saying I'm carrying a big baby. Next week I will check her size to see if everything is on par with her age. We are also going for an orientation visit at the hospital to familiarise ourselves with how the labour ward will look on the day of her arrival. I hope it's not too daunting. I was watching the Zone Reality channel and I saw how wide the mom's legs were and how many eyes are looking up her caboodle. Got me scared for a minute, but then when the little one came out I cried at seeing her and her parents crying. Come to think of it, I am crying a lot these days. Yesterday I was at my desk and started crying when I heard a Disney theme song. What gives. I think I am just a bag of emotions you know. Excited, anxious, sad, happy.

I think a contributing factor could be that I haven't had a decent night's sleep in a while. Constantly having to pee and finding the right position. Luckily there is a masseuse at work and I try to go at least once a week, they really do help.

There is also so much to do and I find during that the week, I keep saying what needs to be done on the weekend and end up doing almost nothing when the weekend comes. This past Sunday, we made lists and I'm happy to report that one thing has been ticked off since then :) so slowly but surely... I guess.

Mummy drove me to work yesterday because I was soo tired and had a bit of sinus headache. That also helps a lot when there is peak traffic.

I'm also noticing that I can't eat as much as I thought I could. I waste and then Junaid eats it up for me. I also had my first bout of heartburn which was was such a different experience. I love atchaar and that night I had some, thinking that it was the mangoes which burnt my mouth, I kept drinking water and later had some ice cream... I tell you, I did not sleep well that night. She was wide awake kicking. I have since left the spicy foods alone.

Now, just thinking of a name for this little Star...

67 Minutes

What is 67 minutes?

An initiative by Nelson Mandela to use 67 minutes of your day (his birthday) to do something good for someone else.
My work encouraged the staff to do something – pack your cupboards and toss out old clothes, spend time with the elderly, plant a tree, write a poem etc.

What did I do?

I decided to allocate a budget of R67.00 to buy bread and give it to various people on my way home from the store. I managed to get 15 loaves.

The series of events in pictures:

• My husband packing the bread in the boot of our car
• An old lady standing outside her house, looking very uncertain as to why I was approaching
  
• This lady was walking with her kids, but when I approached them, the kids walked faster, away from me. She couldn’t believe that I was giving her something for nothing. Even asked me what was the catch?
  
• This man was very grateful. (Pic taken from inside the car, I had just come from a dental appointment and my mouth was numb, not to mention being 7 months pregnant, having to get in and out of the car finally took its toll)
  
• Lady on the corner who looked very sad.
  
• These kids were jumping rope and were reluctant to accept the bread, but happy to pose for the pic.
  
• While driving down Voortrekker road - I noticed a fire and people sitting around it.
  We hooted and this couple came from the “forest” and confirmed that there were ten families living in the woods. Luckily for us, I had 10 loaves left. They couldn’t bless us enough.
  

What this has reminded me:

Everyday has 67 minutes - you don’t need an occasion to care.
People are appreciative of the simplest things.
Alhamdoelilah, we are truly blessed.

Ah! Nostalgia...

Today is my sister's birthday and I miss her.

I missed it this morning when Papa and Mummy would have greeted her and then we end up tearful.I'll miss it tonight when there is no supper to go to like when we went with Shanaaz & Junaid to Jai Pur Palace in '04 or in '07 when we went to Ocean Basket ordering so much food that we ate ourselves into a coma. I missed it when she opened her gift from me.

Birthdays were unique in our home - we would have Mamma & Hattie dressed to the nines and Uncle Eddie attend our party and then a shoot as Papa would video us opening our gifts and blowing out the candles. Every year, batteries would be placed in the birthday bunny and when we sang he would play the tune. My mom would always be the life of the party. "Here we go! Here we go!" Trying out Yumna's new bike.

We would put on those small singles of "On my own" as well as LPs of Michael Jackson :( and District Six. Papa would cut roses from the garden and put it in a vase for the table or clip it in our hair. We would both get gifts so that the other one does not feel left out and it wasn't high-tech, guitar hero, ninteno Wii type of things - it was simple. A doll. A teaset. Come to think of it now, not even the simple gifts matter. The best gift on your birthday is love.

The love of your parents. The love of your husband. The love of your children. The love of your sister. And no matter where in the world you may be, Yumna, may my love surround you now and always. Insha-Allah.

Happy Birthday Sis.

6 months

I can't believe it!

I think for these past 6 months, I didn't fully believe or comprehend what is happening.

It's like I am in my own zone. My own world.

It was only during the drive to work today that I realised I have about 12 weeks left...to get the baby's room done, to finalise the finances (first of which is to STOP with the unnecessary spending and yet today I'm having my hair done!), to do this, to do that.

I also realised that it's the last few weeks my husband and I will be sharing as a couple. Kinda bittersweet, but am both J & I are so excited.

This was taken just before I attended a 21st birthday, finally looking pregnant and wearing Ayesha couture.

5 months and 3/4

I think this was just before we headed out to Baby City, Treehouse and Babies R us.

I think this was also the day where reality struck. We were suddenly exposed to cots, compactums, nappies, prams, thermometers, bum cream.

It became a bit more real to me and my expanding belly more evident.

5 months

I had days where I showed and days where I didn't.

Or as Nadia would say "who's a pie thief"

4.5 months in Greyton

With hubby at Abbey Rose restaurant in Greyton.

Still able to wear "normal" jeans with an elastic band.

(Thanks to Naz for that trick!)

4 months exactly

Taken before work.

Yes I still have time for a quick photo shoot :)

This was also the day that I had to run around and organise

a shoot with Shahrukh Khan and the Knightriders for the IPL.

It was also the last day I wore heels as my back was in its chops!

Just over 3 months

With my other preggy friends Nazreen & Mariam on my birthday in April.

Bend it like Beckham

Last night while watching Survivor, I was on my back when I decided to leave my tummy exposed. J came over and started talking to her, telling her he missed her today and asking if she'd prefer a Barbie or a Snow White doll.

He says:
Kick once for Barbie.
Nothing.
Kick twice for Snow White.
Double nothing.
It was only when he looks away did my tummy move for the first time!

She kicked! I scream!

He looks. Nothing. Looks away. Movement.

Looks at my tummy. Nothing. Looks away. Movement.

Shame, he sat there fixed for a while, patiently waiting for her to move again. Nothing.

So how many was that? 3
What does that mean little one?
Barbie or Snow White?
Both.

Stuck in a moment

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass
It's just a moment
This time will pass

Hormones

Hormones made pimples on my face
Hormones has affected my taste
Hormones put me out of the mood
Hormones hopefully not for good
Hormones made my hair longer
Hormones made my feminine scent stronger
Hormones keep my number 2's at bay
Hormones make me forget what to say
Hormones make my neck and back ache
Hormones only Panado I can take

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn

Pregnancy has made me a bit more frank.
Colleen calls me Dr.Frank because for some reason, I'm just telling it like it is. (Eat this Dr. Phil!) It's like I have no reservations, but still know my limits.

I think being pregnant also, has in turn allowed others to be frank with me.
Especially in the intimacy department.
I guess being pregnant is the sure way to tell you're doing it ;)

One morning, my mom dropped by while I was getting ready for work, putting on my make up and noticed my unmade bed. She saw that I did not put on my mattress cover (under the fitted sheet) and decided to share her knowledge about how to maintain and look after one's mattress. That was all good and well-intended when she suddenly says, "You know you have to keep it clean and protect the mattress from all the comings"
Gob-smacked, I stop applying my mascara. "I'm sorry, mummy, what did you say"
"You know, ejaculation?"
Stunned, I tell her, "Mummy you can't talk that stuff to me!"
Unphased she replies, "But I can you, you're a married woman having a baby!"

When will I see you again?

My vajayjay that is.
I can't see her, let alone try to keep her clean green.
It's become such a missh, as sitting and trying to do it - I become out of breath.
I know I could get a wax, but none of my friends have had it and I'm afraid of exposing my bits ;)
Guess hubby will just have to do it LOL
Or I will fix a mirror to the wall.

Make Love Not War

You know it's amazing how much love is all around when you're pregnant.

Ok, maybe it has always been there but it is felt more.

Mummy and Aunty F getting me maternity clothes.

My sister mailing me everyday with possible names.

Cousins telling me they can't wait to take little one shopping.

Colleagues at work always asking "how's the passenger?" The boss sending out an 'all staff' to let everyone know and just the feedback I got was quite overwhelming. Gifts from suppliers like these flowers, well wishes from people I don't deal with on a daily basis. A pregnancy bible which I couldn't look at as the real pics made me ill - weird I know. Some even watching my sugar intake for fear of gestational diabetes. People who were too shy to come forward telling me they're expecting too.I'm happy to be share my pregnancy with friends and colleagues - Mariam, Nazreen, Q, Tertia, Adiela, Riska, Zan, Zummi, Shanaaz M, La.

Support and advice in abundance!

Nipples the size of Australia

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who has the biggest nipples of them all?

What gives? All I see when I undress is darkened circles peering back at me.
It has made me a bit conscious, I must confess, but hubby is supportive and is loving the fuller and heavier boobs, so maybe it's not so bad after all.

Pink Converse

31 March

I'm nervous today. It is the 13th week scan at the Fetal Assessment Centre, to detect any possible neurological diseases like Downs syndrome. It's also a window period to do any further invasive tests and to terminate should something be wrong. The latter not being an option at all. The way I see it, Allah knows what you are capable of - He knows your potential. So what comes my way, I can face it as He believes in me.

This scan was so different - very clear and magnified.
Little one waved at us. We saw what was once a mass of cells was now a little body - even though it did look a bit like an alien ;)
Hearing the heartbeat - so fast and loud was also a treat.
I couldn't help but cry when they said little one was healthy and growing well. All good

Hubby said if it's a girl, I'll get a pair of pink converse shoes and if a boy, a blue pair...

Thank goodness for sisters and technology

My sister lives with her family in Dubai and had two kids of her own.
Even though she is there, I can at any moment sms, email or skype and ask her the most ridiculous questions about what I’m going through.
Why is there a bitter taste in my mouth? Can I eat feta cheese?
Or my favorite - why do I suddenly find it very difficult to do a number 2?
It’s weird.
Distance may keep us far from each other, but we are very close.

Ode to Morning Sickness

I'm stuck at my desk
which has become such a mess
I can't think straight
at the sight of my plate
Ginger biscuits, ginger beer
the non alcoholic kind
can't get this nausea
out of my mind.

For the first time I actually felt the morning sickness consume me. I found that lying down and not rushing to work made me a bit more comfortable. But alas, I had to get up and get ready. Sunday, I threw up just after I took the nausea medication so I'm not sure if that helps either. I am so tired and just long for bed. During the day! At my desk I dream about sleeping. This is not like me and sometimes I'm very hard on myself, but then I realise what is happening within me, then I ease up on myself.

Clean green and a heartbeat is seen

24 February, 2pm
First gynae appointment

We sat in the waiting room, I had just peed in the cup and now was looking at all the brochures that were on the table in front of me. Fashionable maternity wear. Exercise for pregnant ladies. UIF for working mommies. A lot in one go. I decided to focus my attention on the 'thank you' cards given to Dr. Howard by his mommy to be's. Most of them had pictures of their babies on them. I became emotional, it suddenly felt real.

Dr Howard welcomed us in, sat us down and congratulated us. He was able to tell us the possible date of conception and I immediately recalled that night. It was a romantic evening with pillows and blankets spread across the floor, and us just being, the perfect way to end off our first year of marriage. I'm someone who writes these things down!

He took us through the various birth options which he realised - at the sight of my reaction - was a bit premature. Went through our medical histories and told us about the various scans that may be done during the pregnancy to check on the well-being and growth of the little one. He then went into detail about the scan that was about to be completed. My concentration stopped when he mentioned the word vaginal scan.

I'm sorry what did you just say? In my mind I thought it was going to like the ones I saw on TV. You know where they put that jelly on your belly? Again, by my reaction, he knew he had to pacify me and tell me that because the little one was so little, a stomach scan could not detect him/her properly hence the v-scan. I was clean green – I usually am, so I was not worried about that, was just worried about it being uncomfortable. It was not.

I tell you, the moment you see a little flutter of a heartbeat on the screen you think of nothing but just that tiny ball of cells in front of you. Inside you. Flutter. Flutter. No audio, just flutter.

My husband and I sat there in awe realising the miracle of life and how blessed we were to be experiencing it.

Patience is not my virtue

Between my husband and I, I'm the one with the least bit of patience.

I can come back again if I see a queue is too long at Woolworths or I can park the furthest away from the entrance to the mall, just so that I don't sit in the car waiting for a closer parking... so can you just imagine my plight when I had to wait to see the gynae!

You see, I had to. The appointment with him was only 4 weeks after the initial pregnancy finding. Because the blood test revealed that I was only 4-5 weeks pregnant, they felt that it would be unnecessary for me to come in as there would be no clear visibility of a sac or heartbeat. It was the longest 4 weeks of my life.
I was already experiencing the exhaustion, nausea and mood swings. The latter being very unusual for me at work and it was being noticed. I felt it my duty to tell my department. This also put everything into perspective for them, as there were days when I was tired, I used to have my sunnies on - with eyes closed beneath the Chanel lenses.

There it was - 2 lines

Jan 2009

It was a Sunday. We had a braai. I was just finishing up the last bit of table settings when I needed to pee really badly. I always kept pregnancy tests in the bathroom cupboard since getting off the pill, my periods were irregular. I always was excited when I used them, not those cheap ones where you need to pee in a cup and use that dipper thing.
I preferred the midstream, any time of the day ones. This was anytime of the day and I decided to use my last one.

For some reason, I always feel under pressure when I need to pee on or in something. Even now at the monthly visits to the gynae, I'm always afraid that I might miss. I managed to get a decent amount of drops on the tip of the test and sat waiting with it in my hand - I know I was supposed to leave it on a flat surface. As I saw the pee fill the gap and saw that 2 lines were now being highlighted, not just the one which I became accustomed to, my heart started to beat faster. Even now, as I re-live this incident, probably one of the best moments in my life - my heart beats faster.

I think I may have let out a little scream. I couldn't call on my hubby as he was out buying rolls. I recall my mother blowdrying her hair and I went to her with the wet and colourful stick and showed it to her. She wasn't wearing her glasses and asked me what I was showing her. Buzzkill. I then told her she was going to be a granny!

My husband was still not back from the shops and I went to tell my father who was busy napping. I told him, "Papa, how do you feel about being a grandfather in Cape Town" He looked at me still in his sleepy daze as I said, "cause that is what you are going to be!"
He had tears in his eyes and thanked the Almighty. Alhamdoelilah.

Eventually, my husband came home. I can still remember where he was - we were in the hallway when I said nothing and took the test from behind my back and showed it to him.
We were silent for at least a minute, both with tears in our eyes.

We were going to be parents.